Am I an Extrovert or Just Oversharing?

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at JMU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

WELP! You caught me, Officer. I am 100% guilty of being an oversharer.

Anyone that knows me knows that TMI doesn’t apply to me. I will be sat in the middle of the dining hall telling my friends, outloud, about the guy I hung out with the other night who was making the loudest sounds when he was kissing me. And trust me when I say that I have had people so invested that they turn and say “We overheard your conversation and I want your advice on this boy I like,” or they’ll just come up to me and ask “What happened to that guy you were talking about in class?” I seriously have no shame in telling people about my love life and, honestly, it doesn’t bother me too much…until it does.

I like to think that I’m a pretty outgoing girl, but I don’t think I would classify myself as an extrovert. That might confuse people who know me only on a surface-level because when I overshare, I make myself seem like an extrovert. When I feel awkward with people I’ve just met, I overshare. My words fall out of my mouth like a waterfall and there’s no way to stop it. In all honesty, I think that I overshare with everyone and anyone and I can’t seem to stop.

I fall under every single category that describes someone who is “boy crazy” and there’s no point in denying it because everyone in my life, including me, knows it’s true. I absolutely love the feeling of having a crush. It’s almost like an adrenaline rush for me and I’ve lived off that rush for so many years. There is also such a thrill in giggling and gossiping about boys with new and old friends. In my experience, it’s always been a neutral ground for conversations and it’s just fun to talk about. But when does it get to be too much?

Recently (or maybe this has been a constant and I have just never realized it), I can be a bit of a pushover. Once I overshare about my love life, people (friends or acquaintances) suddenly think that they can step all over me. Sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean every time), I tell my friends about a guy that I met and show them a picture of him and they will not to be afraid to completely drag him through the mud. Maybe they’re looking out for my best interest, but occasionally they’ll take it too far and hurt my feelings. I can’t be upset with them because it’s my fault for starting the oversharing cycle in the first place. Once I open up too much and tell everyone everything, they think that they can do the same.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to tell my friends everything. Some things are better kept private because only I know myself well enough to know how I feel. Now, I’m not saying that I, or anyone who is dealing with the same problem, should completely shut out their friends, but maybe it would be nice to keep things like your love life private.

There is a difference between being an extrovert and an oversharer and it’s really important to know the difference. Oversharing grants people access to give you unsolicited advice and pushes boundaries, while being an extrovert simply means you can talk to everyone but still maintain boundaries. Not being an oversharer is something I need to work on, and it will take some time, but I know it will be worth it in the end to have a more peaceful, private but not secret life.