I’m Not Romanticizing College Anymore… And Now I’ve Never Been Happier”

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Rowan chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

“These will be the best four years of your life. Don’t throw it away!”

These words constantly echoed through my mind. There is so much pressure to make these the best years of our lives. I was so convinced that this was my peak, and there was only going down from here. For the 70 or so more years I was on earth, I would be trying to get back the adrenaline of being a “college girl”. When I changed my perspective, my whole life changed for the better.

Early Pressure to Have “The Best Four Years”

Building up to my freshman year at Rowan University, everything I did was in preparation for college. Every middle school varsity letter for every sport I hated, every after school tutoring session I dreaded, I did it all for my college application. I only took honors and AP classes, I worried more about my GPA than my bank account, and I refused any boy that came my way because they would just “make me soft”. Anything that I imagined could slow me down or distract me from my school work and stellar application, I stayed 20 feet away from. Of course, 16 year old me was naive, but she was trying her best. Every adult I knew told me that college meant everything, that it would practically make or break the rest of my life. This was an enormous pressure, and I worked myself into the ground in high school so I could choose my path wisely. 

Chasing the Perfect College Experience

Flash forward to move-in day, I felt like every day had to “mean something”. That it had to feel like a movie every second of the day. Whenever I was spending time alone or didn’t have plans, I felt I was wasting precious time I would never get back. I started to overthink every friend I made, every party I went to, every meal I had, and every class period I attended. I wanted every millisecond to be the best there ever was. If I was feeling homesick or sad about events that had happened that week, I convinced myself I was ungrateful and I was throwing away my college experience. 

When Reality Didn’t Match the Fantasy

I had so many ups and downs throughout college. I had extremely unfortunate roommate experiences, and made so many friends that weren’t meant to be in my life forever. I had relationships that tested me. I had deep valleys to match the highest summits. My heart was broken for the first time, and I felt betrayal for the first time. I had tough experiences with my mental health, and I leaned on others to get through hardships for the first time in my life.

I beat myself up for “ruining” the best years of my life with such negative feelings and experiences. I was so mad at myself for not noticing when things were going bad sooner. As if I could have prevented anything bad that happened to me with more vigilance or wisdom. Was I just attracting bad friends? Was it my fault I couldn’t let things roll off my back? Was I a “loser” for having to hop around friend groups when I didn’t click with the friends I was making? Why did everyone else have it all figured out? Was I unlikeable? Was I just plain dumb? I would get trapped scrolling on social media, watching everyone’s highlight reels and wondering why my life didn’t look like that. 

The Turning Point: Seeing Behind the Highlight Reel

I had a major turning point when I made a close friend that I had first followed on Instagram. I was under the impression that she had the “perfect experience” I was searching for the last two years. I wished she would take me under her wing, and show me how to thrive in college. But in getting to know her, I realized just how hard her experience had been, too. She didn’t have any emotional or financial support from her family to go to college, so she was working two jobs to stay afloat. She constantly fought with her family on the phone, and it weighed so heavily on her. She also struggled with making strong friendships just like me, and she was barely getting by with her school work. I was chasing the life this girl had, a girl I thought I knew, but the whole time she was struggling just like me. This idea of the “perfect college experience” came crumbling down when I realized life is life, and it will never be perfect. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t special and that you aren’t just where you are supposed to be. 

Learning to Let Go: The Truth About “The Best Years of Your Life”

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was fully ruining my own experience. Having such high expectations only left me feeling defeated and deflated. I was punishing myself for not being happy all the time. I was feeling anger and resentment towards myself for so many uncontrollable events, and things I never could have prepared for or saw coming. Why was I grieving the “perfect experience” when it doesn’t even exist?! 

Choosing Peace

Now, I take it day by day. I’ve learned that even the worst situations can lead to growth and teach you important lessons. Life isn’t meant to be perfect, and difficult times just make the happy moments sweeter. I’m stronger for everything that went “wrong”. I’m learning invaluable life skills I will use for the rest of my life. I have learned more about myself in terms of how I deal with conflict and resolution than I ever could by simply being “happy” all the time. In college, I learned how I handle difficult people and how I fight. If I spent four years with only a smile on my face, I would have missed out on getting to know myself so deeply. Looking back, so many amazing moments were clouded by anxiety and worry that I wasn’t enjoying myself the “right way”. I was actively ruining my own experience. 

My life changed when I stopped putting pressure on myself to make these the best years of my life. Besides, who truly knows what the future holds for me? It’s so pessimistic to think that I’ve hit my peak in the first quarter of my life. I do my best to spend time with people I love and make the best memories I can. I work as hard as I can in school, do the things I love, and follow what makes me happy. My most joyful moments are even happier than they were before, because I’m in the present, and not overthinking them. I’ve made beautiful friendships, learned so much about myself, started a business, adopted a puppy, and made lifelong memories. And, I’m walking away with one of my greatest accomplishments- my degree! I am so grateful for everything that happened to make it to this point. There is no such thing as “the perfect experience”, but that doesn’t mean your unique experience wasn’t perfect!