Little Miss People Pleaser: Learning To Say NO Without The Guilt

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SJSU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Saying “NO” to doing favors for others has become so tough throughout the years. When trying to say no you are faced with fear that the person will get mad, annoyed, or give you the silent treatment. 

Why is it so hard for us to say no? 

According to Deborah Byrne Psychology Service, “We learned that it was good to help others; in fact we may have found ourselves being praised as being the “good girl/boy” when we did so.”

The article also mentions how it can be different for each household, where one learns to say yes to everyone. If you are struggling with learning to say no without feeling guilty, here are some tips.

1. Be Direct 

When asked to do a favor that you don’t want to do, you can say something like, “Thank you for thinking about me, but I am not able to help you.” or “I am unavailable to help you.” 

As long as you’re polite when declining it can help a lot with not feeling guilty. You could also keep it short and simple.

2. Don’t Rush With an Answer

I get it, sometimes you want to give an answer immediately. But sometimes it’s better if you take the time to think before answering. What does this mean? 

If someone is asking you something that needs to be done in a couple of days, let them know that you will think about it by checking your schedules.

Many of us would usually agree to help with something automatically without thinking about it or checking our schedules first. 

But when we get home and rethink about the favor, that’s where it gets difficult for each person because you may begin wanting to fix your schedule that you already had planned ahead of time.

Some suggestions on what you can say are, “Let me get back to you.” or “I would need to check my schedule for that day. Let me get back to you.” 

If you already had something planned within that day don’t feel bad rejecting them. Something that you can say is, “Unfortunately, I can’t help you since I already have plans that day that I can’t change.”

3. Don’t Apologize

When it comes to saying no or rejecting someone, we always feel bad and tend to apologize a lot of the time. But don’t feel bad or apologize. Life happens and when you can’t help out, then you can’t help out. 

You can also tell the person, “I hope everything goes well.” or “Thank you for understanding.” With those quotes it will help you feel less guilty.

4.  Practice Makes Perfect

Along with not rushing with an answer, you can also practice on how to say no before telling the person. By this it gives you time to think about your response and how to respond without feeling the pressure. 

5. Don’t Change Your Morals

With saying no, you can of course feel guilty but in the end just know that you’re doing the right thing. As well as remember that you are having self respect.

Living With Margins offers more information on learning how to say no without feeling guilty. Flash Pack also offers advice from a people pleaser’s perspective on how to say no especially without feeling bad.

Learning to say No takes time, don’t feel rushed to say yes or no. Take some time to think about it before responding.

Do you often say Yes to everything, but want to learn how to say No without the guilt? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU.