Vulnerability Is Scary 

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at St. John's chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

It is safe to say that I, a single 19-year old college student, wouldn’t be the best at giving advice on dating. But what I can talk about is the adaptability our generation has shown when it comes to dating. And no, this isn’t another blog post telling you 20 ways on how to “improve yourself” mentally or physically. This is simply a reflection on a current trend among young adults: vulnerability is scary. 

Yes, I know, we’re often labeled the most “mentally aware”  generation, with all the buzzwords and theories floating around. But the truth is, most of us hide behind those labels. “Communication is key,” “Let-them theory,” “Man-eating,” “The-olive theory,” “Puppy love theory,” “First-Love theory,” and blah blah blah. At the end of the day, they all boil down to the same principle: if this happens, then you should react this way, which should lead to this result. Simple enough right? Well, not really.. 

There is a reason why the marriage rate has been on a steady decline for Gen Z. And that is vulnerability is almost more sacred than having a child with someone. Big jump in conclusion? Well let me explain. 

The media shows us that heartbreak is deadly, emotionally and even physically. (Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, or “Broken Heart syndrome”  is an actual medical condition). We’re fed endless ways to guard ourselves from being truly known. Pretending not to care, acting nonchalant or sending subliminales though stories and reposts. There is always a way to signal “I don’t care” while secretly caring a lot. Society praises this detachment, almost awarding a trophy to whoever can show the least vulnerability. 

So what does that leave us with? Surface-level connections. We’re so afraid of people getting too close that when relationships start to feel “real” we hide behind phrases like  “it’s the principle” or “I’m just not ready.” These are just cover-ups for fear.

As for me? Admitting I’m vulnerable feels like putting a giant red target on my back. But here’s the truth: I let myself feel everything. I dont hide my cards and wait for  the perfect moment, I lay them all out and say this is me, take it or leave it (which also makes me incredibly terrible at cards). I cry, laugh,love, get angry. I allow myself to feel every emotion 100 times over. 

I have a lot of love and compassion to give, and rationing it out, keeping it hidden, feels like an injustice to myself. So my advice is this: be vulnerable. feel everything. And just as importantly: allow others the grace to do the same.